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  feedwordpress 13:54:21 on 2017/09/19 Permalink
  Tags: americana concubine, BDSM, being a concubine, Blogs ( 29 ), spanking ( 2 ), spanking girls ( 3 )   

  Snow Falls Softly – from American Concubine 

  Snow Falls Softly is the second story from American Concubine – it is the night before Josh Caton’s wedding and the girl in his arms is not his fiancé …       

  Men are governed by lines of intellect – women: by curves of emotion – James Joyce

  He kisses my eyes. My lips. My neck. He slowly draws my top over my head and my breath catches as his long kiss caresses the hollow of my throat. I feel the elastic on my bra stretch. I hear the snap of the catch, the pop of the button at the back of my skirt, the crackle of the zipper. My skirt falls to my feet and I step from the folds.

  My heart drums and my blood races as his fingers reach for the strips of silk at the side of my panties. He eases the material over the curve of my bottom and I sigh as if relieved of a terrible burden. I am naked and only naked are we completely ourselves.

  His lips continue their journey, roaming over the swell of my breasts and down in a line to my belly button, which he licks as I recall licking sherbet from my hand as a little girl. That’s how I feel that instant. Naked after a bath. A little girl wrapped in a big fluffy towel as I am wrapped now in the moment.

  He drops to his knees and nuzzles through the garden of my pubic hair. I stroke the back of his head as his tongue dives between the lips of my vagina into the pool of my liquids and secrets. I am a lake, drenched, sopping, overflowing. I can smell the soft breeze of my own arousal. Warm juices run down my thighs. His hands cup my bottom and I have the odd desire to feel their weight, to feel a flash of pain to focus this agony of pleasure. I feel proud, confused, ashamed. I am floating. My entire body has become one erogenous zone. If longing makes the heart grow fonder, I have longed for this moment until my heart was ready to burst.

  His tongue runs in a line up the length of my body. We kiss again, my taste on his lips, my body folded into his embrace. He wrestles from my arms, stands back and removes his clothes. I watch as he places them over the chair beside the desk with its clutter of papers, a cup from Starbucks, an iPad with its blue points of light. I wonder if guilt has intensified my feelings and observations. Everything in my mind is sharp like a razor. Josh Caton is forbidden fruit. I am forbidden fruit. Was it coincidence or the motions of the moon that has put us together here, now, like it was meant to be?

  He is naked. I admire him like a work of art, a sculpture by Michelangelo. He is six feet, broad with strong legs, large hands and a mesh of bronze hair on his chest. His cock stands straight like an arrow pointing the way, like a lifeline thrown from a boat to a drowning man. Or woman. The sunset is silver in the cold November sky, the light in his office darkening with the dusk. It seems as if we are about to enter a myth, a fairy story, a fantasy, and pause at the gate as adventurers pause before they set out on the final leg of the journey.

  American Concubine

  OUT NOW

  CLICK & ENJOY

  “For male readers, the stirring insights Chloe provides into the most intimate sexual machinations of the female mind, simply is a MUST read.” Michael Swanson, Amazon.com

  The post Snow Falls Softly – from American Concubine appeared first on Romance writer Chloe Thurlow.

   
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  feedwordpress 09:42:57 on 2017/09/13 Permalink
  Tags: Blogs ( 29 ), concubine, hooker ( 2 ), orgasm ( 2 )   

  American Concubine – Steamy S&M With a Younger Man 

  American Concubine is out – finally, frantically, breathlessly … I have a dampness beneath my armpits and a feeling of guilt that’s terribly English, I know, and completely genuine.

  Guilt because I have not written a blog for months and now here I am asking you, my loyal readers, to dip into their pockets and get a copy of my new book. And even that needs an explanation.

  American Concubine is the retitled anthology of six novellas originally titled Fallen Angels. For some reason, the android censors at ‘distribution’ discovered reasons to shield the reading public from my work – it was just SO sexy their mechanical minds had to be re-oiled twice a day! I had to tinker with certain sections until the robots  settled down and did what robots are supposed to do, stop being human. Weird? Absolutely.

  The anthology consists of six novellas beginning with the luscious tale of an unfulfilled woman who meets a younger man and learns that discipline might just be the answer to cure her own frustrations. With American Concubine are five more tales: Snow Falls Softly, Flight 69, Sophie’s Secret, Hell is Other People and Bringing Angels to Life.

  Excerpt from American Concubine

  She slipped down to the bed so he could remove her shoes, her red pants, her panties with satin bows. She was with a man ten years younger than her and she thought about something Justine had said: why had she waited so long? She was naked, finally, and being naked with this stranger she didn’t know and knew nothing about made her nipples harden.

  He stood there waiting for her to unbuckle his belt, unsnap the button at the top of his jeans, lower the zipper. He was wearing white shorts and when his cock emerged from the folds she hesitated only long enough to admire this thing, this creature that is man, this work of art, this object with a will of its own. His cock was long, wide, the head pale pink and it felt as smooth as porcelain as it slid between her lips and down her throat.

  ‘That’s it, slowly now, up and down, up and down. Don’t think, just go with the flow,’ he said and she remembered the way he had encouraged her with his velvety voice as they crossed the Queensboro Bridge and completed the New York Marathon.

  She paused for breath. She flicked her tongue across the indent at the tip of his cock and softly squeezed the sack of his balls. He sighed. He liked that. She dropped to her knees. She pulled his jeans and boxers down to his feet. He tossed his jacket on a chair, removed his tee-shirt and took hold of the hair at the nape of her neck before setting her back in motion.

  ‘Open your eyes, look up at me,’ he said and she did.

  Michelle could hear the whoosh and slap of flesh against flesh. She held the globes of his backside and slid rhythmically up and down the length of his cock, her mouth expanding and contracting, her senses pricked by the scent of roses. She hadn’t done this for a long time, longer than she could recall, but it’s like…like swimming. You don’t forget. It’s natural, it’s feminine. She had no idea why it felt so right but it felt so right; it felt as if she were born to be down on her knees, eyes wide, a beautiful cock sliding in and out of her throat.

  American Concubine is available

  NOW, TODAY –

  Just click and read –

  https://bookgoodies.com/a/B075H392G4

  The post American Concubine – Steamy S&M With a Younger Man appeared first on Romance writer Chloe Thurlow.

   
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  feedwordpress 19:00:24 on 2017/06/30 Permalink
  Tags: aggression, aggressive, androgynous, assertive, Blog ( 75 ), communication ( 5 ), Community ( 3 ), feminine, Gender ( 3 ), Gender Roles ( 3 ), Male ( 2 ), masculinity ( 3 ), modern man ( 3 ), roles   

  A Man’s Dilemma: Assertiveness vs. Aggression 

  “How do I assert myself as a man without coming across as too forceful?” – Carl, Washington DC

  In evolutionary terms, men had to be decisive and fearless because they were hunters. Aggression was key to masculinity. Men were expected to protect themselves from others who attempted to put them down or push them around. However, in our western urbanized lives, masculinity is being redefined.

  Breaking down Carl’s question, I think what he is asking is: how can I be assertive without being aggressive?

  Asserting yourself without aggression is particularly key in a relationship. Frequently men worry about how to listen to the smart, accomplished women in their life without feeling like they’re being walked over or they’re not holding their ground.

  I would like to tell you, Carl, that the ground is moving constantly when it comes to modern masculinity. The good news is that you have opportunities to be a man in ways that are more expansive than your father and grandfather. You have the opportunity for self expression, emotional openness and self reflection that would have been considered “weak” and “feminine” in the past.

  Of course, weakness has long been seen as the repudiation of the masculine. Manhood has traditionally been predicated on a sense of autonomy, on self reliance and not depending on others. But to negotiate with another person, without defaulting to an aggressive stance, you have to be willing to NOT know the answer.

  So instead of using aggression to get what he wants, how does Carl assert himself? How can Carl express confidence that isn’t arrogance? Firstly, let’s define our terms.

  What is Assertiveness?

  Assertiveness is confidence. It is knowing what you want. But it is also a dialogue that allows for input from the other person. Assertiveness is power.

  What is Aggression?

  Aggression is power in order to protect myself. It creates an unyielding barrier between myself and the other person. It is a battle, which must be won.

  So… What Now?

  The answer is not either/or. I encourage Carl to allow himself to be influenced while maintaining groundedness, connected to others without losing himself. In psychological speak, we call this a healthy sense of differentiation.

  Also, rid yourself of the burden that you have to know everything to be a leader. Asserting yourself with confidence will come from being open to others.

  Carl, engage in a conversation. A conversation that allows for negotiation and doesn’t need to end with winning. Battle is about dominance. Make a decision where two people are heard and recognized. You’d be surprised how much power dialogue allows.

  How have you found ways to assert yourself as a man and allow for other’s input? I would love to hear your thoughts. 

  The post A Man’s Dilemma: Assertiveness vs. Aggression appeared first on Esther Perel.

   
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  feedwordpress 10:00:32 on 2017/06/28 Permalink
  Tags: Blog ( 75 ), Community ( 3 ), Esther Perel ( 8 ), family, Gender Roles ( 3 ), man ( 3 ), masculinity ( 3 ), Men ( 2 ), modern man ( 3 ), Relationship dynamics, socialization ( 2 )   

  What Does it Mean to be a Man? 

  “I had to quit my job because of a health issue, and now I’m home taking care of our kids. My wife has become the breadwinner. I know I should be happy that we could make it all work, but I feel like a loser.” – Zach, San Francisco, California

  Zach’s dilemma is the dichotomy of the modern male; emotionally evolved and willing able to care give, but pulled toward gender norms ingrained in us all.

  The construction of gender identity for men is more fragile than for women. In many cultures, one is born a woman — and one becomes a man. Chip Brown explores wide-ranging rites of passage into manhood from around the world in this National Geographic article.

  Often, masculinity is defined as the disavowal of the feminine inside of us. This is complicated for both women and men as we redefine modern gender roles.

  Zach, I have worked with many men in your position — lead dads shunned by moms on the playground. Men who feel inadequate because they’re not financially providing for their family (even though they are raising children). For some, pent up frustration even causes angry lash-outs at their children.

  While you cannot control what happened to your health, you can control the outcome. To paraphrase Viktor Frankel’s Man’s Search for Meaning, you cannot always control the conditions you find yourself in, but you have the freedom to choose your reaction to them.

  You need to feel worthy, useful and socially connected. Seek out other men who are parenting. Look into the possibility of part-time work. Speak to your partner about how you’re feeling, so you can help one another find a balance. When you’re in the eye of the storm, it seems impossible to find a way out. But know that you are not the first to encounter the shifting sands of gender. As you wrestle with this new world, know that you are not alone.

  How do gender roles play out in your household? Let me know in the comments below.

  The post What Does it Mean to be a Man? appeared first on Esther Perel.

   
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  feedwordpress 17:48:30 on 2017/06/09 Permalink
  Tags: Blog ( 75 ), desire ( 15 ), lack of desire, man ( 3 ), masculinity ( 3 ), Men ( 2 ), modern man ( 3 ), performance, performance anxiety, sexuality ( 3 )   

  A Man’s Secret: Performance Anxiety 

  “When I’m not interested in sex, it makes me feel like I’m not a man. In fact, my wife wants it more than me so I came up with the excuse of chronic back pain. I think it’s easier for her to accept. What’s wrong with me?” – David, Clifton, New Jersey

  As we talk about the modern man this month, David’s question strikes me as particularly apropos given the pressures on the man. Let’s start by debunking some of our most dear assumptions about men.

  Men are under pressure in life, and in the bedroom, to be untiring, masterful and dominant. It’s assumed men are always up for sex and women’s interest is much less, and subjective. It’s time we stop this oversimplification of men.

  For many men, identity and self-esteem are bound up with sexuality. This explains why David is more likely to feel ashamed when he has no desire.

  Throughout the month we will talk about the stereotypes surrounding masculinity and the shifting roles of men. But to start, here are some tips that that I hope will help David and many men out there.

  Bring your Partner into the Conversation

  David, your wife might buy your story about back pain but underneath she is wondering about her lack of desirability. It’s time to talk with your wife. Maybe you are exhausted at the end of each day and find it hard to shift gears. Or you have worries about your performance. Perhaps you are afraid you don’t turn her on. Something is turning you off.

  Whatever it is, open the conversation, without blame or defensiveness and reveal how you feel and start talking about what turns you on and what blocks you. My post on Role Play and Fantasy can help to open up conversations about sex.

  Check your Mood

  Here is a radical revelation: men and women feel the same way about sex. If a person is anxious, depressed, distracted or feels unattractive, regardless of their gender, they are less likely to be turned on. So check your mood. David may find the answer lies there. And as I often say, sex in a long-relationship is something you have to plan for. This may help to shift the pressure of you alone and help you find playful ways to alter your mood.

  Stop Thinking about Sex

  I would advise David to put himself more into his body and do less ruminating, which takes us out of the experience of pleasure. Forget about “the act” and think about simple starting points to give the other person pleasure, like a shoulder rub. Stop worrying about whether you’re turned on in the moment. And find ways (dancing, exercise, and other physical hobbies that fulfill you) that let you fully inhabit your body.

  What pressures do you feel as a man to perform? Let me know in the comments below. And look out for next week’s post on Masculinity and Assertiveness vs. Aggression.

  The post A Man’s Secret: Performance Anxiety appeared first on Esther Perel.

   
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  feedwordpress 10:00:31 on 2017/06/02 Permalink
  Tags: Blog ( 75 ), communication ( 5 ), couple ( 3 ), eroticism ( 6 ), fantasy ( 7 ), imagination, man ( 3 ), pleasure, relationship ( 10 ), sexual fantasy, shame, woman   

  When Their Turn On Is Your Turn Off 

  “My husband and I started talking about our sexual fantasies the other day and I was shocked and disgusted. What do I do now?” – Stephanie, Milwaukee, MI

  Stephanie’s question resonates with many couples because very frequently one person’s turn on is what turns the other off.

  One of the great mysteries of fantasy is that we don’t know why certain things are a turn off and others are the opposite. We don’t understand the preferences of others or ourselves. Sure, we can examine the biography of a person but fundamentally we are in the dark.

  So let’s say you want to know what your partner’s fantasies are, like Stephanie. But what if they leave you feeling inadequate, disgusted or just plain turned off? Here are some things to consider and try out as you open up the fantasy conversation:

  Fantasy is not reality

  Children may play-act that they are in jail. But if they were in jail, they wouldn’t be playing as a prisoner. The first thing that I would say to Stephanie is that fantasy is play, it is not reality, and it is not what her husband wants in the cold hard light of day.

  Stephanie may also be asking why her husband has these fantasies? My colleague Michael Bader aptly said that a good fantasy states the problem and offers the solution. In other words, whatever cultural obstacles or prohibitions you encounter in life, you are allowed in the realm of your imagination.

  The imagination, of course, is not always politically correct. For instance, a rape fantasy is just that: a fantasy of forced seduction. In a rape-fantasy you never experience the dread that accompanies violence, instead you are subverting the idea and transforming the meaning of that experience into a source of pleasure and excitement.

  Don’t play to the shame game

  Stephanie has asked her husband what his private turn on is. And in turn, he has invited her into his secret garden. If she is openly disgusted, she is effectively slamming the gate and running off into the wilderness. By closing off the conversation or reacting with disgust, we induce shame and guilt in the other.

  The erotic mind is very sensitive to censorship and it knows when it needs to go into hiding. Stephanie’s husband may promise never to have these thoughts or voice them again but you can’t eradicate someone’s preferences because you don’t like them.

  So, if your partner reveals himself or herself to you, don’t shut them down. By shutting down the conversation, you are in effect saying: “I want you open up but only on my terms”. Which becomes a power dynamic that is far removed from the inner erotic sanctum.

  Be why-curious

  I have a friend who doesn’t understand why people like to eat pickled octopus. Like taste, fantasy can induce the ick factor for others. But instead of turning away with revulsion, and worrying about the implications of a partner’s fantasy, I encourage Stephanie to remain curious.

  Stephanie can reopen the conversation and ask her husband: what is it about it your fantasy that is pleasurable? Is it that you get to be passive? Ruthless? Give over power? By remaining curious and open, we are asking the other: who are you? We don’t have to understand them, we can simply find out more about who they are which creates space, acceptance and room for play.

  Try something new

  A woman once told me her partner’s fantasy of being seduced in a clothes’ store change room by the attendant. His fantasy made her feel inadequate and cuckolded: why did he have to imagine another woman? But when they tried playing out the fantasy at home, with her playing the attendant, she found that there was pleasure to be had in playing out fantasy. She could bring her own imagination to it so that they both owned the game. Taste, like our palette as we grow from children to adults, can evolve and change. Be open to trying new flavors, you may find something you like.

  Are you ready to get to know your partner? Let me know what you find out and how these conversations change your relationships. I’d love to read your comments below.

  The post When Their Turn On Is Your Turn Off appeared first on Esther Perel.

   
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  feedwordpress 09:00:05 on 2017/06/01 Permalink
  Tags: A lovers discourse, Blog ( 75 ), Engulfed, Roland Barthes   

  Quote of the Month: Lover’s Discourse 

  “To be engulfed: outburst of annihilation which affects the amorous subject in despair or fulfillment. At its best, when it’s fulfillment, it’s a kind of disappearance at will. An easeful death. Death liberated from dying.” — Roland Barthes, A Lover’s Discourse: Fragments

  The post Quote of the Month: Lover’s Discourse appeared first on Esther Perel.

   
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  feedwordpress 18:23:44 on 2017/05/23 Permalink
  Tags: Audible, Blog ( 75 ), communication ( 5 ), Community ( 3 ), iTunes, Podcast ( 2 ), trust ( 4 ), Where Should We Begin   

  My New Podcast: Where Should We Begin? 

  It’s been an exciting week. I am very proud to announce the launch of my original audio series, Where Should We Begin?.  A co-production with Audible Originals, the series is perhaps my most creative project to date.

  Too often couples live like isolated islands.

  We think what we’re experiencing in our own relationship is unique to us, and we don’t know that our neighbors and friends are experiencing the same longings, laments, deprivations, and disillusionments in their own lives.

  There is no school for relationships — no place for us to learn the tools for rebuilding and repair, to learn to straddle the many contradictions that roil in all of us. Where Should We Begin? is a way for me to create meaningful, deep, and open conversations.

  As you listen to these intimate, unscripted sessions between real-life couples, I think you will find the language you’ve been looking for to have conversations with the people in your own life.

  Listen to the entire series (with new episodes every Friday) for free through mid-July at audible.com/esther.

  On a personal note, I am incredibly grateful for the overwhelming support of our community. It takes a village. There are so many people behind the scenes helping to make this happen. We wanted to create this show to give people a language to understand themselves and their relationships, and it’s humbling to see people responding positively.

  The series is currently #4 on iTunes. You can read more about the behind the scenes of the series in this interview with Vogue. Or a clinical perspective on how listening to other couples’ sessions can help your own relationship on Psychology Today.

  For additional listening, enjoy my wide-ranging conversation with the one and only Tim Ferriss about sex, love, and commitment on The Tim Ferriss Show. And lastly, check out This American Life episode #617 where host Ira Glass listens to two people trying to break through what’s going wrong in their marriage.

  With gratitude,
  ​​​​​​​​​​​​​​Esther

  LISTEN NOW

  The post My New Podcast: Where Should We Begin? appeared first on Esther Perel.

   
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  feedwordpress 10:00:22 on 2017/05/12 Permalink
  Tags: Blog ( 75 ), fantasy ( 7 ), male sexuality ( 2 ), Role Play ( 2 )   

  What You Don’t Understand About Sexual Fantasies 

  “What is sexual fantasy?” – Dylan, Columbus, OH

  People sometimes confess to me that they don’t have sexual fantasies. They assume they have no imagination. I want to tell you that everyone has the capacity for fantasy.

  But what is fantasy? The idea of it has been coopted so that we view it through a narrow lens. It has come to mean costumes, porn-star poses, elaborate accouterments and role-play. You can certainly introduce role-play into your relationship and here’s how.

  But here is the radical but simple definition of fantasy: sexual fantasy is simply anything that enhances excitement or pleasure. Whether it’s the time of day, the way the breeze drifts across a field or a story you create about the way someone looks at you. Let’s continue to unpack the idea of fantasy.

  Fantasy is a story

  This story – our fantasy realm – is what allows us to distinguish between sexuality and eroticism. Sexuality is instinct or biology. Eroticism is sexuality that is transformed by the human imagination.

  We all have these imaginative resources that allow us to play and be curious, to go beyond our lived experience. The wonder of fantasy is that it allows us to bypass reality; we can let go of the constraints of age, physical limits, material realities, health conditions and religious restrictions.

  What a relief to know that the central agent of the erotic act is our imagination rather than the toned abs we can’t ever quite seem to achieve. Fantasy is our very human ability to come back to something and forever change or relive it. Fantasy has the power to connect us to hope, playfulness, and mystery. I believe, if we didn’t have fantasy, we couldn’t live.

  Fantasy is a gift

  It can transform the traits that irk you – your shyness for instance – into something that you imagine turns someone else on. Or you can become all-powerful and confident – fearless and bold – in your fantasies.

  Fantasy allows us to bifurcate our inner blocks. The fears, anxieties and inhibitions that roil inside you can dissolve so that you can experience the joy of sexuality. The pitfalls of your relationship can be sidestepped in the moment of fantasy.

  Fantasy is an imagined place

  Does that mean that the fantasies that you have are what you really want to happen? Not necessarily. As we’ll discuss in detail next week, a fantasy is a game, an imagined place. Fantasies are different from what we want in the cold, harsh light of our daily reality.

  If you know how you want to experience sexual pleasure, even if it’s simply the way someone strokes your hair, you are already in the realm of sexual fantasy. Embrace it.

  Let me know your thoughts about the definition of sexual fantasy. And look out for an upcoming post on how to deal with your partner’s unsexy fantasies.

  The post What You Don’t Understand About Sexual Fantasies appeared first on Esther Perel.

   
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  feedwordpress 10:00:28 on 2017/05/06 Permalink
  Tags: Blog ( 75 ), Boy ( 2 ), communication ( 5 ), culture ( 5 ), Female, Gender ( 3 ), Gender Expectations, Gender Norms, Gender Revolution ( 2 ), Gender Roles ( 3 ), Girl ( 2 ), Language, Male ( 2 ), National Geographic ( 2 ), Understanding   

  Breaking Free from Gender Expectations 

  “Why does gender still play such a defining role in our society?” – Nicolas, Copenhagen, Denmark 

  One of the oldest origin stories in our culture lays the ground for our binary system of gender: Adam and Eve. The Old Testament set up this duality of man and woman. And old stories are deeply rooted in us.

  From the very moment a woman is pregnant, we ask: is it a boy or a girl? We create two categories with very little room for anything outside of these prescribed definitions.

  My colleague Jean Malpas who studies transgender children, and will speak about his work on the TED stage in May, explains that gender is one of the fundamental ways we humanize each other. By assigning gender we turn something abstract (a fetus) into a concrete concept that will accompany us throughout our entire life. Gender is story. The story that culture has bestowed upon us – a legacy that comes laden with expectations. Expectations of how a man and a woman must be, must think, must act.

  You and I know these stories well. For instance: men are described as rabid biological creatures always looking for a sexual outlet. But for women, it is expected that sexuality is more subjective, that desire is complicated and conditional. These are just a few of the narratives we have learnt. But if you look closely at yourself and the people you know, you will find these narratives are riddled with contradictions and that individuals are far more nuanced.

  So what happens if you don’t meet the cultural narrative of your gender? If you are a woman who doesn’t like clothes shopping, for instance, or don’t use “feminine” gestures. What if you are a man who hates sports? You may feel in conflict. You may feel deficient, insufficient and incomplete.

  So how do we approach gender today? One of the greatest challenges is that we have seen gender as being consistent with the body and the sex that we were assigned as a baby. But we are finally beginning to understand that gender is not an assignation, that biology is not destiny. Or as transgender man Sawyer DeVuyst aptly describes it: “Gender is who you go to bed as and sexuality is who you go to bed with.”

  As I talked about in my Language of Gender piece, the gender revolution has arrived. We have a whole new lexicon to choose from. And with it, freedom for self-expression. So, let’s turn the page and create a new story for ourselves.

  What stories about gender have you learnt that have accompanied you throughout life? In what ways have they shaped, helped or hindered you? I would love to know your thoughts. Please comment below.

  The post Breaking Free from Gender Expectations appeared first on Esther Perel.